what makes us "us"?

I believe we are always changing, or can be as I would assume there are people moving through life such a state of patterns and routines that they do not experience anything new to challenge or change their perceptions.

Lock said of Bodies (substances) that two substances cannot occupy the same time and place, and one substance cannot occupy two places at one time. He gives examples of a horse, once young, it could grow to be fat or thin. The horse in either of these two stages is still the same horse, though very different. Physically the horse has changed much, but I would also gather that due to those experiences of either over abundance of food and lack or exercise, or lack of food and or over exertion, would have tremendous impact on the horses personality as well.

I do not have the same views as I held as a child, or even as a young adult. I would consider myself as a drastic example of someone who has in a sense become a very different person through the course of my life. All of my life experiences, social, personal, etc helped to form my perception of the world, and how I chose to move through it. Then at 18 went through a series of events that caused me to… that allowed me the opportunity to really look at those views and beliefs, and realize that they were just my experience. Though they were real to me at the time, and they composed my reality, I do not consider them to be actual reality. I truly believe that we create reality as we go along. Now im not saying that we can fly at will or anything like that against the natural laws, but our perception and interpretation of life is what creates our reality. And though it can be real for us at the time, I believe that it must be some kind of second reality, or lesser reality, because at the same time two people can have completely different experiences and outcomes from the same event(true reality). Two employees can be laid off at the same time, and for one it could be devastating and traumatic, leading him to drinking and depression, perhaps the loss of property etc. For the second person it could be taken as an incredible opportunity to explore true happiness and other dreams. Can I argue that the same actual reality, the loss of the job, is the true reality, and the outcomes are the individual experience each one has from these events?

Waiting

As I sit here
breakfast in hand,
I think About him...
In his flight across the land.

Bringing with him
an immense Love
and Joy...
As he travels high above
to soon be here...
where I can enjoy

So lonely at night
without him by my side
he is the bringer of light
and always on my side!

Anxious to see him
and kiss on his face
soon I will be with him...
And everything will be in place!

June 12

As spring quarter draws to a delightful conclusion I hope i will take the time to reflect on the past 53 days... look for my next steps, my growing edges, and take the next step in front of me.
I must buckle down and work with more diligence and persevere to give everything I have to this opportunity. I am so incredibly blessed to be given this chance to find myself... discover my passion and avocation, to become involved in my community at seattle central... to hopefully make a difference and leave this campus in some way better, or at lease different, than I found it...

Gratitude

As part of a sociology research project I viewed several movies this past week to study the images portrayed of homosexuality in mainstream films and how that image has changed over the years. Several films depicted struggles LGB people endured during the 60's and 70's, and horrific tragedies as well as malicious acts of hate.... In a place where I would have, just weeks ago, banished myself to a place of sadness and worry... I found myself in a deep and comforting sense of gratitude. Gratitude for all those who paved the way for all of us to enjoy the lives we choose to live today. Yes we still are fighting for issues such as marriage, but today I was able to walk down the street with my partner and best friend KAIJSON and hold his hand, to look into his eyes and hold his gaze with my own, without fear of bodily harm. Yes I feel incredibly blessed to live in this time and place enjoying our freedoms. Tomorrow who knows. Maybe gay marriage in Washington will eventually come to pass. But for today I am enjoying listening to the comforting breath of the man I choose to live my life with... And seeing where we came from, where LGB as well as TQI have been subjected to living false lives out of fear, I am grateful today I have a choice

thoughts?

what is completely fascinating to me is just how much a product of our environment most of us are.
opportunities available, chances given, school, family, wealth, geographic location, the list could go on and on....but there comes a point I think when we become aware of this, become cognizant of the broader scope of the world, in a place where sociological imagination and self awareness meet, where we have a choice.
we must choose to go back to our old way of thinking, or embrace all that we do not know or even understand. Movies have been made beautifully illustrating this point if one is to look at the underlying meaning. The Matrix comes to mind for me... before he even knows what he is looking for, Neo knows he is searching for something.
Then when he finds the Matrix, he must decide to take the blue pill and go back to his mundane existence, or the red one and experience all the world truly has to offer. Though in real life the choice must be much easier for unlike the movie once you learn of the existence of that other "reality" how can you truly turn away from it. I am no where near the completion of my journey and evolution into... who I do not know, but I can draw upon my own experience to make clear this point. 5 years ago I was enlightened to this "other" world, which has had many names throughout the years, alcoholics refer to this as the 4th dimension in which they allegorize "being rocketed into the fourth dimension" through a series of eye opening events they refer to as spiritual experiences. I cannot accurately describe in words what it was like to have this fog lifted from my vision, and to start to view and interpret the world as it actually is, not the constructed view i held for so long in my own mind. I am blessed to have the opportunity to attend school and continue this revealing of all that is "made up" and constructed by forces around me, for I wish to one day be able to view the world as it truly is, not through a series of lens or filters....

Please Watch these two clips and let me know what thoughts come up for you

The Matrix clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRNMZEDOBrM&feature=related
Plato's Allegory of the Cave http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69F7GhASOdM

thoughts for this morning

sitting here
staring blankly out the window
rainy seattle streets below
construction cranes dominate the sky
cars passing
people hurriedly moving from point A to B
Do they speak as they pass by?
No
Most have their thumbs fixed to keyboards
twitter, facebook, IM, some on myspace,
completely oblivious to the world around
Have you seen Wall-E?
Is the story of a society,
much like ours,
could be ours
years from now
this movie shows people completely plugged in
almost like the Matrix
plugged into a reality that resembles our own
but lacks, so much we would miss if it were taken away
smells, tastes, the feeling of warmth on your face
the cool rush of water across your lips
online we can be whoever we want
and explore people from across the globe
but at what price
do we still interact with those right in front of our face...
can we find balance between that world and our own
i can, and will
i will not sacrifice anymore moments which can never be relived
blessed to share those moments,
and thoughts,
confused feelings
trying to figure it all out
sharing those with him
my true love
KZN

gender norms

This week my partner is out of town so I visited his mother, aunt and
niece for mothers day dinner. It is a rare occurrence when I visit them
and do not help in some way around the house. Tonight was no
exception. I assembled a trampoline and fixed some recurring problems
on a cellphone and the home computer. As I was in the back office I
overheard a comment between the adults about "we can't fix that stuff
because we are women." i think i yelled a comment from the back room
and said something to the effect of "it has nothing to do with you
being a woman" And told them this is exactly what I have been learning
about in class. I immediately started a conversation with them in
regards to this thought process and tried to share with them what I
have learned in sociology this quarter. I tried to convey that it
isn't the fact that they are women, that it isn't their gender at all
but merely the social constructs and norms they were brought up with
and carry with them. I challenged them to look at these beliefs as
limiting to their lives, and hope they do not teach these to my young
niece who is now just 9 years old. My hope is that we can all spread
some of what we learn in class this year and open someones eyes
to possibilities...

first blog

just a quick test... on these pages i will hopefully find time to document this inexorable journey i am on... every day new thoughts, viewpoints, challenging questions and conversation. Will you be a part of this chapter of my life? Will i look back on our interchanges of ideas and feel forever changed?